Chuck Norris-ism's

Ever since I heard my first Chuck Norris-ism, I was hooked. In the latest Expendables film, Chuck Norris himself delivers one of my favorite ones. The funny thing is, I'm not a big fan of his films. As a matter of fact, I don't know that I've ever seen one with him as the main character. I don't even watch Walker, Texas Ranger.

So I have no idea why I love these jokes so much. Ah well, I guess I'm just a nut case. Here are some of my favorites...

Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch.

Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris can order, and receive promptly, a McDonald's breakfast after 10:30am. From Wendy's.

Chuck Norris watches 60 minutes in 20.

People still wonder about the mysterious death of Bruce Lee... nobody beats Chuck Norris and lives.

A solar eclipse is the result of the sun accidentally making eye contact with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can speak Spanish in three different languages.

Kids pee in snow, Chuck Norris pees in concrete.

Chuck Norris was on the show 'Survivor' once. They made movie about it. That movie was called 'Predator'.

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

- Red

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